Been a while… here goes.
For some time now I’ve very felt vision-less, mission-less, and goal-less. Unfortunately it’s taken me a while to realize this, but I guess it’s better now than never. In subtle ways, I sense lately that God has been trying to wake me from a lazy slumber which by now has managed to thoroughly numb me. From one disappointment to another, I’ve soaked myself in plenty of failures and shame that now failure and shame themselves have lost their sting. But this week more than others I’ve discerned a voiceless presence speaking to me, which at first was barely noticeable but has built up over months, and now I finally hear it: Wake up, James - you’ve a vision to grasp, a purpose to fulfill, and a passion to receive. This is a refreshing break from my daily numbed state of self and spiritual awareness.
Nowadays, everything that happens in my life feels like a random mix of events with no real direction. I remember a time not long ago when God’s will for my life was so clear to me to the point where I felt like I knew the purpose of every encounter and conversation, or the significance of something so simple as to why I read a particular article in the newspaper as opposed to another one. Call me crazy but I saw purpose and significance in all of it. Nothing was at random, and nothing was unintentionally willed by God - not even my own decisions. Somewhere along the line I lost familiarity with His voice and my clarity of things grew fainter and fainter. Inevitably there formed gaps in my vision and I had to strain my sense of discernment to see ahead. In a nutshell, that’s where I am now and I’m growing ever thirstier for vision, purpose, and passion.
Over the past week I feel like God is calling me to dream big dreams and to do things that I am afraid of failing at. After all, I can’t become a visionary like MLK without a burning desire to change status quo. I can’t become a fearless leader of men like Bill Clinton by being afraid of failure in my own life. I can’t grow in wisdom like Solomon without God’s voice leading me to wise decisions. And I can’t have passion like Jesus Christ without love, joy, perseverance, and sacrifice.
Originally I wanted to write more, but I’m tired and want to go do stuff. If you’re reading this I hope you know God wants the same for you as He does for me. Live brilliantly, because God wants nothing less from your life. Till next time.
“There is no passion to be found playing small; in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” - Nelson Mandela
